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Where is my Libido? Why don’t I feel like having sex? Know what the possible causes are.

Low libido can be a big problem within the relationship.

If there is a disharmony in your libido, for example, when one has more libido than the other, problems of varying degrees of importance arise.

When one wants sex twice a day while the other is satisfied with once a month … What to do?

When it is the man with low libido, it may seem worse, as penetration depends on him. While a woman can just lie down and consent, even if she doesn’t feel like having sex, which is terrible, but it happens. It gets complicated when she doesn’t want to have sex and the man expects a more active response from her … Do you go through this?

These libido tuning problems always need to be carefully examined.

Most of the time, the problems come from communication and the sexual technique that the couple uses, you know?

And it’s not us from the Tantra Yoga Lab that we are saying. These are the conclusions of deep studies by doctors who were the fathers of modern sexuality, such as Masters and Johnson and Kaplan.

Those with low libido usually need more time or a more skilled partner to respond to stimuli! The partner with the highest libido has to be calm, ready and contain some of his energy. So when the relationship happens, it will be satisfactory.

The origin

This disharmony can also hide psychological problems: the partner who has a lot of libido may feel insecure about the other’s love and need constant confirmation through sex or want to have fair sex in a situation where A partner who has low libido is not in the mood.

Anyway, each couple has their particularities and they need to be analyzed.

There is no problem if both have low libido and do not charge each other accordingly.

Usually couples only seek help from some kind of sexual therapy when they have problems with this libido tune-up.

It also happens that low libido is part of the personality. Usually the person who has chronic low libido is usually indifferent to sexual activity.

She has no fantasies, she doesn’t think about sex. This type of person is almost never excited.

Usually this lack of libido is very apparent in personality. These are people who have a tendency to drink, do drugs. They are often apathetic, without vitality …

But some sudden frigidity can happen in the life of someone who has always had a normal libido.

It can be a temporary dysfunction caused by depression, anxiety, psychological pressure, fatigue, personal life disorder, illness, pregnancy or disharmony in the relationship.

In the wedding

We can say that marriages that totally reduced sexual activity are not very happy, but in these cases they are not so much for lack of libido, but for the lack of motivation to collaborate in the relationship and to value this important activity within a healthy relationship. and give way to masturbation or other solutions that take the place of sex.

A person’s libido and sexual activity level is determined by many factors.

How is your psychological ability?

Because it greatly influences what you have been living in bed. You may have little contact with sexually active people or are in a more secluded phase.

Perhaps you have created the belief that your sex life has come to an end or you may have had a childhood subjected to repressive patterns that made you eliminate or ignore sexual arousal.

In the case of women, the vast majority were programmed to behave in a modest and chaste manner.

However, if they seek help, therapy can always bring these people a more active sex life through erotic education.

Painful Sexual Relations

Problems associated with pain are common in both sexes. The name given to painful sex is dyspareunia.

It is not an exclusively female problem but less frequent in men.

Some complain of pain during penetration, and this may be caused by the abnormal sensitivity of the glans associated with poor hygiene or infection.

It is also possible that the foreskin skin is small relative to the glans, which causes pain when the glans are exposed.

Sometimes women may experience pain in the vagina due to poor lubrication. The most common cause is as a protest of the vagina for lack of proper arousal or foreplay.

There may also be fear of becoming pregnant, anxiety related to growth in a repressive environment and traumatic experiences.

If the vagina is poorly lubricated, it can also cause pain in the penis, which does not slide easily inside.

Infections of the vagina (most commonly caused by a small organism, the trichome, or a fungal species) can inflame the mucous membranes and alter the acidity of the secretions, making penetration painful.

Sometimes, even after healing, a woman may associate the pain she felt at those times with the sexual act.

Do you know that vaginal deodorants, ointments and creams can also affect the vagina’s ph, sensitivity and lubrication, causing pain at the time of penetration ?!

Women may also complain of pain after menopause. This pain is believed to be caused by contraction of the vaginal walls due to changes in menopause.

In such cases, our Sexuality and Tantric Massage course can help. It is a course designed to make relationships longer and give time for the body to release these downward hormones.


There are various degrees of Viginism, which are spasms and contractions of the vaginal muscles that prevent penetration.

It can affect the whole body. In the most extreme cases the knees remain firmly glued, not even allowing a vagina approach.

When severe, penetration is almost totally impossible without employing considerable force.

Vaginismus may originate from repressive education or sex-related trauma or illness in the vagina and require the existence of sex therapy.

Couples with this problem usually give up trying to have sex.

Vaginismus, fortunately, is not difficult to treat.

Many women can benefit from tantric massage techniques to deal with vaginismus. Because they are techniques that help give a new meaning to the touch on the genitals.

They are loving, subtle touches that facilitate the opening and building bonds of trust in the relationship.

Orgasmic dysfunction

Many women seek sexual therapy because they cannot (or have difficulty) orgasm during sexual intercourse without some kind of manual stimulation.

Most women would like to reach orgasm thanks to penetration at least a few times.

Research indicates that only one fifth of women can reach orgasm without manual clitoral stimulation.

But three-fifths require not only vaginal stimulation but also manual clitoral stimulation.

Orgasmic dysfunction is represented by the woman who has frequent and serious difficulties in achieving orgasm by any method during sexual intercourse and perhaps also during self-stimulation and is not about lack of libido.

It has a lot more to do with relationship with partner, freedom of speech, limiting beliefs, crisis in relationship … All of this is covered in our online sexuality course.


The word impotence comes from the Latin impotentia, which means lack of power.

Impotence is the persistent lack of ability to achieve and / or maintain an erection sufficient for penetration.

Some men only have a full erection just before ejaculation. Others manage to maintain an erection during masturbation, but do not roll during sex.

Twenty years ago Kinsey discovered that it affects a man in a thousand at the age of twenty, rising at twenty-five in a thousand at forty-five. But it is believed that today this number is MUCH higher.

Impotence has physical and psychological causes. They often happen together.

If a man can have a good erection during masturbation, in dreams, when awake or with another partner the organic and physical causes can be ruled out. A neurological examination can eliminate the possibility of brain disorder and spinal disease.

Many medicines and drugs can cause impotence.

Psychological causes may be related to trauma or a childhood dominated by sexual repression, which is probably one of the most common causes.

Usually the man had a repressive father or mother who strongly condemned sexual behavior. Early experiences of masturbation were disturbed and associated with a sense of guilt and fear of parents.

Relationship hostility (when a man unconsciously wants to punish his partner by denying her sex and his partner assaults him, criticizing his sexual performance), fear of pregnancy, illness, rejection, anxiety and fear that sexual performance will not satisfy the other, fear of losing his erection again, psychological pressure, overwork, fear of re-emergent diseases such as heart attacks, and also fear of premature ejaculation.

Sometimes the relationship cools and the couple is unable to be aroused, to bring new relationships and the course of sexuality can be a great way to bring this freshness!
Impotence may also be associated with a limiting belief created by faulty sex education, ignorance …

Early Cumshot

Masters and Johnson consider a man to be premature ejaculator if he is unable to control ejaculation for an adequate period of time in vaginal penetration in a way that satisfies his partner at least halfway through his sexual intercourse. (If the woman has anorgasmia, or other dysfunction, this definition is not valid.)

For example, the definition suggests that a man suffering from premature ejaculation enjoys within thirty or fifty seconds after penetrating.

Kinsey investigated the abnormality of this condition. It established that in the United States it is normal for men with low educational levels to seek orgasm as soon as possible after penetrating their partner.

Higher-class men more often try to delay orgasm. Kinsey further stated that three-quarters of men reach orgasm within two minutes of their penis penetration, and that many ejaculate in less than a minute or even within ten or twenty seconds of penetration.

He examined other mammals in which the male ejaculates almost immediately after the introduction of the penis, and noted that this is normal in the closest primates to the male.

Chimps only take ten or twenty seconds to ejaculate. What is true for one species is not necessarily true for another.

It is important to keep in mind that not every quickie can be labeled an early ejaculator; it may just be a lack of knowledge about one’s own pleasure and female pleasure.

No matter the causes, premature ejaculation is associated with a lot of misery and termination of marriage, when many times a few classes could improve, and much, this situation!

Physical causes are probably very rare, but should be considered in a man who becomes an early ejaculator after many years of normal sex. If so, better look for a urologist.

If not, our Sexuality course is also right for you! Your partner can learn to do a massage that will help establish new neural connections to ejaculation.

Blocked cumshot

This disability is far less common. It happens when a man is unable to ejaculate in the vagina during sex. It can happen, too, during masturbation. It is the opposite of premature ejaculation.

Sometimes hypertensive drugs and phenothiazines prescribed for psychic illness can affect ejaculation and cause this delay in ejaculation.

Other physical causes are diabetes, prostate disease, or gonorrhea injuries to the posterior urethra, but they are all uncommon.

It usually has to do with lack of libido, some difficult phase in life or even lack of creativity in sex.

When the man cannot surrender completely, abandon the mind, he just watches, calculates and worried … The recommended treatment is: singing, shouting, dancing or moving convulsively.

Active meditation is excellent in these cases.

In the relationship, a common problem may arise in those cases where a husband thinks his wife is dominant and controlling; He feeds these grudges and the result is a lack of sexual enthusiasm or a lack of trust in the sexual partner.

From a tantric point of view this dysfunction can have some benefits such as the experience of dry orgasms caused by tantric massage.

Marriage problems

Problems in marriage are often the causes of sexual dysfunction.

Discussions and disputes can simultaneously reflect and cause sexual disharmony.

Failure to communicate what they really want can lead to a lack of harmony, which is fatal to at least satisfactory sex.

Most couples who cannot communicate their wishes never reach the stages of arousal. They cannot tell each other how and where they would like to be touched, yet expect immediate sexual responses.

As we said above, there is tuning in arousal when one feels aroused and wants to make love, but the other takes an hour to prepare / arouse. Then what you started is annoyed or unmotivated.

Some couples argue, fight just before having sex. Nervous nerves, often followed by relief from tears and forgiveness, eventually replace bland sex.

About female anorgasmia, Lobitz and LoPiccolo found that women tend not to respond to sexual therapy if they have a bad relationship with their partner, so we strongly believe that the course of sexuality can deepen the couple’s relationship and as a result facilitates healing. of many sexual dysfunctions.

Another cause of discord and conflict in marriage is the role of each of them. Some fail to assume the male or female role that the other requires.

For this we use a therapeutic approach linked to Tantra, which is all based on the concept of Shiva and Shakti. We have worked hard on this issue of female polarity and male polarity (regardless of gender) so that the couple can harmonize.

The big names in sex therapy also give some clues as to what ends the libido in the relationship: it is unshaven, not bathing, garlic breath or alcohol when the partner does not enjoy these smells; be excessively fat or thin; smoke, take off the hair to make love … What else? Comment down here.

Anyway …

There are many sexual issues that affect both couples and single people.

The purpose of this article is just one more way we found to bring more light to your sexuality and contribute to your reflection and individual pursuit.

If you have identified yourself with any of these questions and would like to know if we can help, please contact us and we will be happy to help you as best we can.

Leave a comment below, contact us at whatsapp +351 915 451 456 or email us contato@tantrayogalab.com.


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